Coyote Mercury

words, birds and whatever else by James Brush

Coyote Sticks It to The Man

In the interest of promoting all things coyote, I offer a recent discovery: a legal brief regarding a lawsuit brought by Wile E Coyote against Acme:

Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions, he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, ‘Defendant’), through that company’s mail order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to defects in manufacture or improper cautionary labeling. Sales slips made out to Mr. Coyote as proof of purchase are at present in the possession of the Court, marked Exhibit A. Such injuries sustained by Mr. Coyote have temporarily restricted his ability to make a living in the profession of predator. Mr. Coyote is self-employed and thus not eligible for Workmen’s Compensation.

Mr. Coyote states that on December 13th, he received of Defendant via parcel post one Acme Rocket Sled. The intention of Mr. Coyote was to use the Rocket sled to aid him in pursuit of his prey. Upon receipt of the Rocket Sled, Mr. Coyote removed it from its wooden shipping crate and sighting his prey in the distance, activated the ignition. As Mr. Coyote gripped the handlebars, the Rocket Sled accelerated with such sudden and precipitate force as to stretch Mr. Coyote’s forelimbs to a length of fifteen feet. Subsequently, the rest of Mr. Coyote’s body shot forward with a violent jolt, causing severe strain to his back and neck and placing him unexpectedly astride the Rocket Sled. Disappearing over the horizon at such speed as to leave a diminishing jet trail along its path, the Rocket Sled soon brought Mr. Coyote abreast of his prey. At that moment, the animal he was pursuing veered sharply to the right. Mr. Coyote vigorously attempted to follow this maneuver but was unable to, due to poor design and engineering on the Rocket Sled and a faulty or non-existent steering system. Shortly thereafter, the unchecked progress of the Rocket Sled led it and Mr. Coyote into collision with the side of a mesa.

– Ian Frazier, The New Yorker Magazine, 26 February 1990

Check out the whole thing. It’s a funny bit of satire, and one more reason to root for Coyote. Not only is he unable to get Road Runner, he’s a victim of the Corporate Man.

Oh, and apparently, he did catch Road Runner…

2 Comments

  1. Very clever. The whole thing is funny, but the part where it says “vigorously attempted to follow this maneuver” made me laugh out loud. I almost spilled coffee on my keyboard. Nicely done.

  2. Yes, it is. I actually found it in a literature book at school.

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