there is the matter of slipping below streets
where other worlds lie deeper still
parades of skulls answer boyish dreams
where flashlights’ flames throw question marks
illuminating smiles and bare thighs
(don’t say more before we wake)
the space spins round a radio star
sweat, short skirts and cowboy boots
typical typical a laugh a sigh
he starts by saying more
when less is better
she finishes by saying nothing
there is also the matter of energy
when D.J.’s lock in with the subway rumble
there is also the energy of matter
and dancing the tangle of time and bass
there is also the matter of knowing
when to burn and when to gasp
there is also the matter of morning
when the last one up turns out the lights
—
This is written in response to the latest Big Tent Poetry prompt, which was a list of words and phrases. It also owes much to the recent National Geographic article “Under Paris” (Feb 2011).
Check out what others did with the prompt here.
James Brush is a teacher and writer who lives in Austin, TX. He tries to get outside as much as possible.
This is beautiful.
It’s fun to see people having fun with this one. Interesting, given the words, some of the similarities in theme. I love your title word play and your line breaks. I read back through with the dance in mind and the line breaks plus what you say move like a dance.
Interesting…I like how “burn” and “gasp” are juxtaposed…burning expends energy, and gasping takes it in…
Thanks for stopping by my site, and for the kind words. Nice to “meet” you!
“he starts by saying more
when less is better
she finishes by saying nothing”
These lines nearly say it all!
I like the repetition of “there is always the matter of.” It adds to the dancing rhythm.
James, this is so good from beginning to end.
And that title is wonderful!
Pamela
I love this mysterious and provocative piece… especially “where flashlights’ flames throw question marks”
From the title to the finish, this is great!
This seems to be aching to turn into a form…syllabics perhaps?
What a beautiful piece of work!
rivulets of space
Due to Census work for the past one month, I have not been able to visit and comment. I will be back with a vengeance after a day or two!
I particularly like the repeated ‘there is also the matter of’ and the stanza
when less is better
she finishes by saying nothing
there is also the matter of knowing
when to burn and when to gasp
brilliant! And what an edgy poem.
Quite enjoyable, well laid-out, excellent handling of the prompt… and you covered my favorite kind of night. Right on. ^_^
Oh! I wanna go!
You created a story, a scene and a vibe that is ever so enticing!
thank you for the link to paris underground… old bones enticing for some… i am imagining a first date to the catacombs… bring a flashlight… love can happen anywhere, anytime… less is more… yeah, women know that…
Thank you, all, for your kind words and comments.
awesome, perfect lines all the way. cheers. here is mine:
http://itistimetothinkformyself.blogspot.com/2011/03/big-tent-poetry-in-55-words.html
Thanks for reading.
Thanks, Jingle, I’ll check it out.
I just like the feel of this poem. I’ve read it through a couple of times, and as someone else said, it reads like a dance, separating and coming back together again and again. Especially liked the repeats on the end,
Elizabeth
Thanks, Elizabeth.