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Category: Random Stuff

The catch-all category for random things about life in Austin, food & drink, politics, the occasional rant, whatever else.

Asteroid Headed for Austin?

It seems a likely scenario. We’re too far from the coast for a hurricane, and tornado season is still a few months away, so that pretty much leaves asteriods as the only remaining tool with which God can punish the Klan when they rally in Austin in support of proposition two on Saturday. The Supreme Deity apparently used a similar tactic in New Orleans to thwart a gay pride rally, and since God currently seems to be in an it’s-time-I-teach-these-little-bastards-a-lesson mode it would be wise to prepare for the worst.

There is debate raging about the best way for Austinites to deal with the odious intrusion of the Klan – moon them as was done when they came here in 1993, or ignore them and go about our lives as Mayor Will Wynn would prefer. Considering the cosmic wrath that could very well come down on the Klan and take out a bunch of well-intentioned mooners as collateral damage, I’m surprised an evacuation order isn’t being considered.

I assume, though, that preparations are being made and talking points written to apply that last little bit of spin to the impending tragedy in the runup to Nov. 8:

“God Krushes Klan, Says No to Prop Two”

against the nut jobs who will say:

“God Annihilates Deviant Mooning Perverts, Supports Prop Two”

Personally, I’ll be ignoring the Klan. I’ve seen plenty of morons; I don’t need to see them play dress up. Besides, my mind is made up on this issue.

I’ll probably just watch the Longhorns use the Baylor Bears to demonstrate the terrible effects of an asteroid impact.

Places I’ve Been

Since I was a kid, I’ve loved maps, so I was excited when I stumbled upon Nathan’s Updates from Seoul, which led me to world66, a very cool site for anyone who loves the magic of staring at maps, remembering places visited and highways traveled, and the lure of faraway places yet to be seen.

So here’s my world map, most of which is the result of growing up in a Navy family. I didn’t count layovers in airports.

create your own visited country map

As an adult, the only trips abroad I’ve managed are Canada and Mexico. But I have traveled quite a bit in the states, usually by car, which is my preferred method especially when the drive invloves days of desert travel. Here’s my map of the states:

create your own personalized map of the USA

And, of course Europe, just because this site lets you do Europe:

create your personalized map of europe

You can also make a Canada map, but since mine would only include Quebec, I decided not to do that one.

What fun!

I’m So Proud

Lots to be proud of in Texas especially when one considers the constitutional amendments being put to a vote, particularly proposition two. While at a loss for how to pay for adequate public education in Texas and lacking either leadership or the will to consider the problem seriously, the lege did find the time to give ‘we the people’ the opportunity to exercise our collective predjudices and vote to make gay marriage illegal.

Of course gay marriage is already illegal in Texas, but the new amendment will make it really illegal. After all, denying marriage to a group of people is only just a way to protect marriage in much the same way that denying liberties to some groups of people protects liberty. Right? Something like that… Anyway, the Texas Constitution already has more than four hundred amendments, so why not try to push it up to an even 500?

Seriously, though, both the far-right conservatives and the KKK (scheduled to rally in Austin on Nov. 5), seem to agree that re-banning gay marriage in Texas will help protect marriage. And perhaps there really is a threat out there. We can’t take chances on this because gay marriage could pose a threat to everything the KKK supports “decent family values.” And looking beyond the concerns of the Klan, I keep hearing and reading that it will be beneficial for some Texas families and their children to know that other loving families will be denied this legal status.

When the subject of protecting marriage in Texas comes up, however, it’s interesting to note that in Texas, marriage can be entered into at the age of 16, or at even younger ages if a judge approves it. This was not uncommon among my high school students (I’m talking underclassmen here) when I was a teacher. With the bar this low (as a bar must be at an early-teen bachelor party), it’s important to remember that if you hear a Texan talk about defending marriage for his children, he might really mean it.

One can only hope that when the ballots are counted next week, Texans will break with the Klan and vote down this ugly constitutional amendment.

I ain’t holdin’ my breath.

Maybe I’ll Get that PhD…

I’ve recently learned that I am a sucker as are all of us who have spent hours, thousands of dollars, and even the Best Years of Our Lives toiling towards degrees at institutions of higher learning. We were conned by the marketing cabal known as Big Education into believing that their product, “higher learning”, is the only form of education.

Who knew that life experience could be converted into the degree of your choice at such fine institutions as Belford University and Rochville University? For a modest fee, the enterprising student can even give his GPA a boost. Why did I spend all those evenings worrying about studying? (Oh, misspent youth!)

Of course these institutions are accredited, Rochville by both the prestigious UCOEA and the lesser-known BOUA, both of whom seem to share the same web designer.

If academic qualification isn’t your thing (not everyone was cut out for school after all), a career in the ministry could be very rewarding. Just visit the Universal Life Church to become an ordained minister.

I think few people will ever again say that the Rev. Dr. James Brush, MA, MFA, MBA, MLIS, MEd, JD, PhD is not both a gentleman and a scholar and fully qualified for any position in the Bush Administration.

Big Ugly Billboards

Driving around Austin, it’s easy to notice that Mopac is relatively pleasant even when it’s choked with traffic, while driving I-35 is nearly unbearable even when traffic is light. Mopac is pretty in part because it is mostly free of billboards, and I think this lack of aggressive signage makes for a more relaxing overall drive. You don’t feel like anyone is shouting at you on Mopac.

The disruption of this visual silence is for me why billboards are inherently tacky and always mar what would be an otherwise more pleasant landscape, even in the heart of a city. Cute little messages from “God” or “Billboard” don’t help either. In a way, though, billboards become a kind of totem of the divine as it appears in a highly materialistic society such as ours: we look to them on high for guidance as they shine brightly in the heavens, but when compared with a highway devoid of billboards (that increasingly can only exist in the imagination) they are revealed (and reveal commercialism) to be empty substitutes for the divine or trees or anything else of real worth as Fitzgerald so aptly implied in The Great Gatsby.

This comes to mind as over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed a billboard spring to life in a neighborhood near my own. It towers over the landscape calling attention to itself, and though it is currently blank since the owners are in a dispute with a local home owners association over it, it is an eyesore and a sad reminder of how little aesthetics are valued when there is coin to be made.

I am pleased to learn that a group of local homeowners is trying to fight The Man on this one and even have the help of at least one county official.

Beer, Mass Culture and God

“Beer is proof that God loves us.”
-Benjamin Franklin

Beer. It’s really very simple. Hops, barley malt, water, yeast. You can add some grains or any number of other things to create unique flavors, but the essence of beer is simple. Yeast eat sugar, producing two basic by-products: alcohol and carbon dioxide. Beer, or more broadly put fermented sugar water, is one of the oldest creations of the human race. Nearly every civilization from the Egyptians to the Aztecs to the English have brewed beer. One can travel the world over (or visit a good well-stocked pub) and sample beers from different cultures and climates, each with its own unique taste and character. Australia’s hearty lagers can be just the thing after a hard day in the sun, while Mexico’s lagers go with a nice easy day at the beach. The British stouts warm a winter evening and the Caribbean’s milk stouts offer a touch of sweetness after a spicy meal. Germany’s famous bocks and hefe-wiezzens should be savored for their rich complexity, as might a fine wine.

There are two basic styles of beer: lager and ale. Lagers tend to be lighter in body and have a cleaner flavor. They are cold fermented at lower temperatures and are usually light in color. Ales, fermented at room temperature and occasionally served at room temperature, have a much more complex flavor and range in color from light amber to black. Both are excellent styles and a matter of personal preference analogous to the differences between red and white wine. I personally prefer English ales to any other style. There is a third beer style, unfortunately. This is the swill produced by the major American breweries. You know who they are. Their beer is a perverse replica of the pilsner style of lager originating in eastern Europe in much the same way that Frankenstein’s monster was a twisted version of a human being.

Too often, when offered a beer, I am treated to a flavorless concoction consisting of slightly metallic tasting carbonated water mixed with alcohol. The sad truth is that this is not beer. This is an alcohol delivery device, not a fine drink to be savored and appreciated for its flavor or character. Perhaps, a handful of hops was held near the wort while it boiled and dissolved sugars, but certainly no hops were lovingly thrown into the mix. Prior to 1920 and prohibition, American beer was just as interesting and unique as the beer of any other country. We had variety and regional flavor. During prohibition, only the larger breweries survived by shifting production to non-alcoholic products. In 1933, prohibition ended and the major breweries proceeded to market a lighter style of beer that would appeal to both women and men. Over the years, beer came to mean a watery beverage, often brewed with rice or corn, that carried alcohol into the body without carrying flavor across the tongue. This is franken-beer made by corporations that love profit more than beer. I have spoken with many people who say they don’t like beer, but have only ever sampled the twisted products of these breweries. I was one of them until I tasted a true beer, a certain Irish stout that looks like coffee. I then realized that I had never previously tried beer; I had only tried franken-beer.

The mass market ad campaigns have taught many people too well that beer with flavor is bad or as one brewery put it, “skunky.” To combat skunkiness, this brewery put born on dates on all of its bottles. But when is a beer born? Is it born when the hops are thrown into the boiling wort as my religious friends might say, or do we take the more secular view that a beer is born when the bottle leaves the brewery? I say that too often American beer is in fact stillborn, or perhaps is not even born at all, no more deserving of the language of birth than a machine. Beer is born when there is love. Love for originality and uniqueness. Not love of money.

Referring back to Ben Franklin’s quote and thinking of the popularity of American macro-brews, one cannot help but wonder if perhaps God no longer loves us. Perhaps we are being punished for following the trendy ads rather than our taste buds. I believe that this phenomenon, which occurs in other industries (think hamburger chains), is the end result of mass culture. Are we doomed to a steady diet of blandness and nothing?

Switching Crooks

October is often a bleak month starting with OU’s annual defeat of UT. Then it gets worse, usually culminating in Republicans winning a bunch of elections. I’ve been more optimistic, though, since UT beat OU. Now the Astros are in the playoffs. Delay has been indicted. The Bush administration is floundering as it awaits – hopefully – indictments. People are finally waking up to Republican corruption. Could this be the end of evil?!? Could we see a bright new dawn of Democratic corruption? One can only hope…

Friday Afternoon

The weather today is relatively nice, though a bit hot for mid-October. I guess I should get used to that as it seems it’s just going to get hotter as we continue to cook the planet to a nice crisp. Imagine all that Alaskan coastline that could someday be prime property for beach homes…

Still, a round of golf might be in order this weekend, a chance to test out the new putter in the vain hope that my putting problems have all been my old putter and not pilot-error. Taking up golf has been a pleasure and a challenge (and a growing obsession) that I’ve very much enjoyed. I hadn’t ever realized that it’s an insanely mental game. The difficulty is that there’s too much time to think about what you’ve got to do. I wonder if someone were trying to tackle me as I was about to shoot, would I make better shots by just letting my muscles do the work without being second-guessed by my mind? I suppose that’s my favorite thing about golf, other than being outside: it forces me to clear my mind, which of course is very rejuvenating and a fine way to spend a weekend morning.

Watching UT paste Colorado should also be nice, if a bit dull.

Ok, so this is not a Post of Great Significance. It’s mainly an attempt to post via email to see how this goes.

Coyote Mercury: The Blog

OK. So this is the Coyote Mercury blog, based in Austin, Texas. I don’t yet have a purpose for blogging except that this seems an amusing way for an obsessive writer to have some fun and maybe even pick up a few new readers.

The names of the blog and my main website are derived from a character in my first novel, A Place Without a Postcard. The character is surprisingly enough a coyote named Mercury who may actually be just a plain old dog, or – possibly – God.

Enough for now. I should get back to learning how this blog stuff works.