Whispers flicker in the void, explaining
each color present and how it combined
absent light with permanent darkness.
Overpowering and blinding,
a quasar burns static and noise.
Here, we don’t need sound;
we imagine music and try to sing.
That radio sun burned out ten years ago.
Or so they tell us.
—
This is for Read Write Poem’s Opposites Attract prompt. The idea is to write 2 poems each dealing with opposing elements, experiences, memories, or whatever. Then alternate the lines between the 2 poems to create a single poem.
This was an interesting exercise that went in an unexpected direction. I started with the ideas of darkness and light. Sound crept into both freewrites, thus creating a third layer of opposites. When I combined them, it seemed that the opposing forces in the poem shifted to light and sound rather than light and dark. After combining them line-by-line, I started fiddling with the lines to get a smoother flow from one thought to the next.
Below, I’ve included the original drafts so you can see how the poem developed.
Darkness draft:
In perfect darkness
Whispers flicker in the void, explaining
the absence of light, the permanence of darkness
a radio sun, burning static and noise
we hear music and try to sing
Light draft:
In perfect light
Each color present, combines
Overpowers and blinds
Here we don’t need sound,
The radio sun long ago burned out.
First Combination:
In perfect darkness
In perfect light
Whispers flicker in the void, explaining
Each color present combines
the absence of light, the permanence of darkness
Overpowers and blinds
a radio sun, burning static and noise
Here we don’t need sound,
we hear music and try to sing
The radio sun long ago burned out.
Update: Changed the first line from “Flickering whispers fill the void” back to the original “Whispers flicker in the void.” I think I like that better. Thanks Julie for making me think about whispers and flickering.
James Brush is a teacher and writer who lives in Austin, TX. He tries to get outside as much as possible.
Not only was your final product very well done, but I appreciate seeing the thought process that lead to it. Bringing us inside the writing is always interesting.
The radio sun is what I like the most, but I enjyed the poem as a whole – And the fact that you considered the requirements so close makes me appreciate it even much more.
Interesting trek into an unfamiliar region of space, where there are things like black holes, quasars, …
Liked how it came about..
strings cross with wires
I especially enjoyed reading through your process… thanks for taking us there… and this word combination… flickering whispers…whispers flicker… love the sounds of those two words in tandem…
I love how the last line recasts the whole piece. And adding such detailed notes is a great idea.
Yeah, Nicely! And I love the way you show your ‘working out’.
I love the way you changed “we hear music and try to sing” to “we imagine music and try to sing.” One word can make a world of difference sometimes. You sure made the right choice! Wonderful poem.
I like how you showed us your first drafts, and then what developed into your final poem, which is a nice juxtaposition of light and dark, belief and disbelief (“or so they tell us”). Good job.
Thank you all for your comments. The process was the exciting part of this for me. I might have to try something like this again.
nicely written….”radio sun” i really like